Love on a Napkin

9/5/2009
Sitting in Barnes and Nobles bookstore today I was gleaning helpful info from various books on Alzheimer’s with Tim beside me enjoying a good magazine. I knew I had a strong need to tell Tim about a prayer I prayed for him the night before. But the thought of verbalizing this out loud while looking into his face triggered all this love swelling up inside me with strong emotions taking over my throat and heart. All of which brought crocodile tears streaming down my cheeks with my nose now redder than Rudolf’s; despite all the watchful book-readers’ eyes circling around me in the store’s cafe area. I knew it was now or never to tell him before I might forget what I wanted to say. And with AD and short term memory in deficit, there isn’t always time to put off things. Besides, never is not an acceptable choice in my vocabulary.

You see plainly stated, it’s much easier for me to have the degree of faith to believe in miracles for the future; which you can’t see than it is for Tim. In no way am I saying I’m a better Christian. In some ways he's the much better and more fruitful in his life. It’s simply just easier for me because of going thru trials for 35 years with Christ and seeing God miraculously bring me through again and again. Mixing that with a lifetime of answered prayers; can’t help but bring one lots of “hope for the future”. And hope of course, grows strong faith for the unknown problems ahead that life will bring. Another reason for Tim’s struggle to easily believe in miracles I believe was because Tim was blessed with a more "Leave it to Beaver" childhood and life than I, prior to his inviting Christ into his heart some 16 years ago. Faith was harder for him at first, but then after salvation, followed those life's unavoidable trials; which grew faith in him, as well will this trial we are walking thru now.

Well, getting back to my public blubbering big tears next to Tim in the middle of the bookstore café. Tim leaned over to me and whispered his inevitable, humble question that I love him for that simply asks: "Did I do something wrong? ” Which of course, he didn't. I couldn’t stop the sobbing, but still strongly needed to tell Tim, so I asked him to get me a stack of napkins. When Tim came back I explained I was going to have to write a note to him down on a café napkin as I lost my note pad and writing was the only alternative way to verbalize this without disturbing all the cafe readers around us. So, I became oblivious to my audience, grabbed the pile of napkins to cry into and one to write upon and started writing.

Ergo: "Love on a Napkin"

Dear Tim:
I am still forever, believing Rock solid in Christ for a healing (a result of this unshakable peace and joy Jesus gave me from the moment I was given the AD diagnosis by the doctor; which is miraculous in it's self and impossible on my own accord.). I know you have many concerns for the future; which we know at present is like “looking darkly into a mirror” on this side of heaven. So as a backup battle plan for your wonderful sake, I prayed for you yesterday (and am confirming the prayer in writing on this napkin) that should I slip into a higher AD level temporarily before I am totally healed on this side of heaven; I asked my Abba Father (the literal meaning that I love is: “my Daddy God”) to never allow me to say anything AD-related that would be extremely inappropriate-ugly or hurtful, or painful to you; which you would never deserve in a million years.
I prayed also for God to equip you with His wisdom, protection and all the resources needed; but especially for you to remember the power in His Word and rely on His strength only (which comes from His Word, praying and holding onto His joy; which is still possible in the midst of the worst storm). I also prayed for God’s presence to always be with you, constantly showering you with His peace and joy from now till we both go home to heaven. And I pray now additionally for good faithful true friends and family to surround, love and help you always.

Yours is the first and only face I love to see each morning and night, even when we tick each other off :=) And if you remember it was your phone number on a napkin 17 years ago and Providence Who started all this love between us.

Let us remember always that Christ is the Creator of all love and miracles firsthand. And His Hand we have seen work in us and around us many times. This wonderful God Is the only Perfect Love there is. I know this because as much as we love each other, if Christ was absent from the center of this marriage, it would be so flawed and we both know we wouldn’t be together today. This Creator of love (Who is love) we both know is always true to His Word, “ready, able and desiring to answer” and we know this is true having both experienced and witnessed many answers together.
Let us continue to believe together that Jesus Christ is still able to perform what He has promised: a miracle in our lives in answer to love on a napkin that is engulfed with believing prayers of ours and many others known and unknown praying for us full of faith in Him.
Love, Patrice

I have Alzheimer’s and I refuse to stop laughing!

I have Alzheimer’s and I refuse to stop laughing!

I wrote the above caption with all respect and love to anyone whose life has been impacted in any form, by Alzheimer’s. The caption is because I see humor in everything, even in the bad stuff, and praise God I just can’t stop it!! Humor is my nuclear secret weapon against the blues! But my intent today is to focus on you. Just perhaps to put a smile on your face at the very least. So everyone lets remember to breathe deeply today and laugh loudly at every opportunity! The following true short story happened almost a year ago.

9/17/08 - Just Another "Cognitive Hiccup Kind of Day" :

Today I decided to walk my dog Molly to get the mail as well as; get a walk at the time we usually do, in our usual manner. So, I took all the usual items mentally checking them off one by one: house keys-check, dog leash-check, the plastic bag for potty-check, and the mailbox key as one would expect- double check.

While gathering all the items, Molly was jumping all over the couch doing that doggie "I'm so happy to go out" dance. I thought to myself why can’t we learn more from doggies; when Molly interrupted my thoughts with a large poke in my leg.

So off we went and as we set out, I commented to Molly that the sun seemed extremely hot for the time of day and I regretted not wearing my huge "old lady" straw hat. But I wasn't going to worry today about a few more liver spots or let a forgotten hat ruin our walk.

So as I looked up happily at the pretty big fluffy clouds; and the warm beautiful blue sky - - - even if today's Mesa Arizona sky was an: ozone-thinning; hot & dry-as-an-oven; lifeless; skin-aging; melanoma-threatening; leaving-huge-lines-on-your-cheeks, kind of day! - - - I decided to ignore the negative, trod on, and enjoy our walk the same! And then, in a blink we quickly arrived at the community mailbox!

Happily there, we struggled only for a shorter time today to open the box (lately the lock has been trouble) and no bills were inside!!! And I made sure to comment on this also to Molly as her paws don’t appreciate standing at the box longer than necessary.

But then, as I looked down I did a double take; noticing there was the usual leash loop sensibly tightly secured in the usual place on my left wrist. But to my horror the remainder length of the leash was dangling SOLO in the breeze. And no animal attached!! Fearing the worst, I did a quick eyeball once-over on the block. My heart raced and I feared the worst like any parent would do.

But then quickly I “put 2 and 2 together” as I realized I had just paraded down the entire street road with an unoccupied five-foot-long leash dragging behind me. All fluttering down the road's ground air behind me!! And no Molly the dog was in sight! (This is because she was left back at home; crying behind the locked front door!). As I stood at the mailbox taking all this in and wiping my laughing tears (a gift from Jesus that wouldn't stop & sent in perfect timing) my belly shook harder than Santa, as I thought about this ridiculous scene and the embarrassment of it all!

All along the walk home, I couldn't stop laughing even more, as I watched my imagination's hallucination of all the "window fingers" along the Des Moines Street road, surely parting their curtains aside for all of their strained eyes as I passed by again! What a wonderful gift from God is this funny sitcom journey we call life. Thank the Lord I didn't wear my huge "old lady" straw hat, because it surely would have exasperated this "Mad Woman of Des Moines Street" look of mine contrasting to our block's normal neighborly setting.

But the best part of all - - - - When I got back home, Molly gave me this huge "you're really scaring me, Mom!!" look and of course more laughter for me; and apology hugs for Molly! Hope this true dog-less dog walk story brought a smile to your day as it did mine!!

Note to readers:

I wrote this short true story, which was one of my many Alzheimer’s “the elephant is standing in the room” moments in the past few years. Before hindsight, I never even considered Alzheimer’s a possibility because I incorrectly thought I was too “young” age (56) and that I was being told it was something else health related by health professionals.

If you or someone you love is having cognitive events more than just a “senior moment” or brain fart, please go get a check up.

God bless!

Patrice