Alzheimer’s Diary

Alzheimer’s Diary Note: from Friday 6/12/2009

The bad part of waking today:

I woke up crying this morning at 4:30 AM with a cluster headache with naseau (as my brother Brian calls it; or a migraine (as my dear next-door neighbor and friend Sheryl calls it ). I just call it one big pain in the head!! Well, I prayed not to let me have the nausea. I hate throwing up. But no matter what kind of headache you call it; they are terrible.

The good part of waking today:

I woke up reflecting on the wonderful dinner last night. Our church’s associate Pastor Pieter DeVlugt and his wonderful wife Noreen took us to dinner last night after hearing of my AD diagnosis and because they would be leaving for vacation in a few days. We enjoyed so much their company and the laughter of shared stories going back and forth. I remember especially when they prayed for us, before we took off in our separate cars. I couldn’t take my eyes off their faces that night, so thankful to God for the love we all felt.

But as I lay in bed today I remembered that when we ended those ongoing parting see you when you get back’s, my eyes finally rested on Tim’s face as we continued those long goodbyes that don’t end because you keep finding more things to say and hugs and more “see you on Sunday” wishes. I just couldn’t stop looking at their faces and finally my eyes rested locked solely on Tim’s face alone. He looked so handsome and tall. I remembered how much I loved his always smiling face and his height when we first met. I loved his height cause it made me feel so small and protected! But this morning as I woke up, I found myself surprisingly crying as I pondered all of the wonderful time last night. And I just couldn’t understand it; or stop those silent quiet tears skiing down my cheek. At first I thought I must be sad about the Alzheimer’s and those lost brain parts in my damaged brain lobes the neurologist says are causing dysfunction. But I don’t think my brain was listening to my heart at all!!! Cause as I wiped away the sleep’s obviously uninformed-brain-fogged-you-don’t-really-know-what’s-going-on-in-my-heart-tears, I realized I wasn’t sad at all!!! I was crying silent tears of joy and thankfulness as I feel so loved and grateful for God and every loved one in my life!

And I wish everyone could know what it feels like to be loved this much by God, family and friends. I am so truly blessed!!.

Hugs, Patrice